Written by Rebekah Scroggy, RN BSN IBCLC
If you’re reading this, you may be pregnant, hoping to become pregnant, or holding a brand-new baby in your arms. No matter which stage you’re in, this is written for you!
Why? Because you deserve to be honored in every one of these phases.
There can be so much focus on getting to the next milestone: getting pregnant, making it through the first trimester, feeling that first kick, reaching viability, meeting your baby, getting through those first few weeks postpartum. But sometimes, in constantly looking ahead, we forget to acknowledge where we are right now.
Each phase asks something different of us. Each one comes with its own excitement, uncertainty, challenges, and little moments worth remembering.
So wherever you are today, take a moment to honor it.
PRECONCEPTION: PREPARING FOR WHAT COMES NEXT
Preconception is the time before those two little pink lines show up. Whether you’re actively trying to conceive or simply thinking about pregnancy in the future, this can be a wonderful time to care for yourself and prepare your body for what may come next.
As an RN and IBCLC, here are a few things I encourage families to consider. As always, talk with your healthcare provider about recommendations specific to you and your health.
Start thinking about a prenatal vitamin. Ideally, folic acid supplementation begins before pregnancy, so this is a great conversation to have with your provider.
Find movement that feels good and that you can do consistently. You don’t have to suddenly become a marathon runner. Walking, stretching, strength training, yoga, or another activity you enjoy can all help you build healthy habits before pregnancy. I often call birth one of the biggest marathon events of a person’s life, and preparing your body can be a big part of preparing for that incredible experience.
Make sure to enjoy this season, too! Take pictures. Go on dates. Take the trip. Sleep in when you can. Enjoy your morning tea while it’s still hot. Nourish the skin on your belly. Preparing for pregnancy doesn’t mean your current life needs to become a waiting room for what comes next.
If becoming pregnant is taking longer than you expected, you can also talk with your healthcare provider about when an evaluation may be appropriate. Recommendations can vary based on age, medical history, cycle patterns, and other factors, so you don’t have to figure that out alone.
Honor this phase by caring for the person you are right now and not just preparing for the parent you may become.
FIRST TRIMESTER: GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO SLOW DOWN
The time has come. Those two little pink lines are finally there!
You might feel excited, terrified, joyful, anxious; or somehow all of those things within the same five minutes. You might also not feel the way you expected to feel. There is no single “right” emotional response to finding out you’re pregnant. Early pregnancy brings enormous changes, even though there may not be much to see from the outside yet. Rising pregnancy hormones can contribute to symptoms like:
- Tender breasts
- Nausea or vomiting
- Exhaustion
- Food aversions
- Increased sensitivity to smells
- Mood changes
You might experience all of these, a few of them, or almost none at all. Every pregnancy is different; every person is different!
This is a phase where I really encourage people to listen to their bodies. Stay active in ways that feel comfortable and are appropriate for you but also give yourself permission to rest. Your body is doing something huge. Growing fingers takes a lot of energy!
Resting isn't being lazy. Slowing down doesn't mean you aren't doing enough. Sometimes honoring the first trimester means going to bed early, eating whatever food you can tolerate, saying no to an extra commitment, or simply acknowledging that your body is working incredibly hard especially when nobody else can see it yet.
And there’s so much about pregnancy that we don’t talk about enough. We get into some of those lesser-talked-about topics in this blog.
SECOND TRIMESTER: SETTLE IN AND CONNECT
By the second trimester, you’ve already spent 13 weeks growing a baby. For some people, symptoms like nausea and exhaustion begin to ease and there is a little more energy to work with. For others, those symptoms stick around. Again, there is a huge range of normal pregnancy experiences. If you ever are concerned, reach out to your provider. That is what they are there for!
This is also when many people begin feeling their baby move. At first you might be questioning whether that was gas or if that was a kick, but soon you will recognize the kicks. Those first little flutters are so exciting! It almost feels like a little secret between just you and the baby you are growing. Depending on factors like whether this is your first pregnancy and where your placenta is located, it may take longer to recognize those movements. The good news is that as your baby grows, those little kicks usually become stronger and easier to feel. Soon your partner, family, or friends may even be able to feel them from the outside!
In this trimester there is a big milestone with the anatomy scan. Getting to see that tiny baby face, those little hands and feet, and your baby moving around on the screen was always one of my favorite parts of pregnancy. For families who choose to find out their baby’s sex before birth, this may also be when they learn it.
The second trimester is a great time to begin thinking beyond pregnancy and preparing for birth and postpartum. In between making baby shower registry lists, make sure to also look into childbirth education. In between researching for bottles or a stroller, make sure to also research doula support if that interests you. Learn about infant feeding and find out what postpartum and lactation resources are available in your community.
You don’t have to have everything figured out. You’re simply building your support system before you need it! Having those resources handy can make a big difference once baby is here. Make sure that you and your support person are aware of the resources to help lift some of the stress from your shoulders!
For many families, reaching later pregnancy milestones can also bring a sense of relief, particularly after an anxious first trimester. If that’s you, allow yourself to enjoy it. Take the bump pictures. Notice the kicks. Talk to your baby. Listen to music together.
Honor this phase by letting yourself connect with the pregnancy you are experiencing today.
THIRD TRIMESTER: PREPARE WITHOUT FORGETTING TO BE PRESENT
At this point, it may feel like you have been pregnant for approximately 40 years. Thankfully, the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer!
The third trimester is a great time to really lean into prenatal preparation. And that matters whether you’re hoping for an unmedicated birth, planning an epidural, preparing for an induction, or having a scheduled C-section.
Birth preparation isn't about planning one “perfect” kind of birth. It’s about understanding your options, knowing what questions to ask, and feeling more prepared to make decisions if plans change. If this feels overwhelming, you aren’t a failure! I personally found this a lot easier when I had a doula next to me so she could process the information and help me throughout the labor process.
This is also when I encourage my prenatal lactation clients to learn as much as they comfortably can about feeding their baby! Meet up with a lactation consultant now. Even if you aren’t sure if you want to feed breastmilk to your baby, a lactation consultant can help guide you through the feeding process. Once your baby arrives, you may be recovering from birth, learning how to feed a newborn, waking up every few hours, leaking from places you didn't know could leak, and wondering what day it is! It’s a lot easier to learn some of this before all of that is happening AND there is a cute little screaming baby demanding your attention!
Keep moving in ways that feel good and are appropriate for you. If you aren’t moving or being active, it isn’t too late to start walking around the neighborhood or gently stretching. Nourish yourself with foods that give you the energy and nutrients you need, focusing on protein and carbs to help provide more energy. Rest when your body asks for rest! Ask questions at your appointments. Talk with your support people about what you want your postpartum period to look like, start those conversations about expectations. Such as no kissing babies, no coughs or colds when around the baby, and any other requests you might have. You are not being ‘extra’, you are being the perfect mom for your perfect baby.
But don't spend the entire third trimester preparing for the next thing that you miss where you are currently.
Put your hands on your belly. Feel those kicks. Take the pictures. Record the videos. Even if you don't feel particularly glamorous, these moments go by so fast. Let yourself recognize how much your body has already done.
POSTPARTUM: HONOR THE PERSON WHO WAS BORN, TOO
You did it. Your baby is here. Celebrate!
Eat the sushi you've been thinking about. Enjoy your coffee. Soak up the skin-to-skin contact and that brand-new-baby smell.
And remember: your baby isn't the only person who needs care right now.
You do, too.
Postpartum is recovery. Your body has gone through pregnancy and birth, whether your baby was born vaginally or by C-section. You may be bleeding, sore, swollen, exhausted, hormonal, hungry, emotional, and completely overwhelmed by how much you love this tiny human, and all of this happens all at once. You aren’t broken by feeling the way that you do.
This is the time to use tht support system you built during pregnancy. From your family to the providers and local supports you researched and found.
Let people bring you food. Ask someone to hold the baby while you shower, eat, or simply take a few minutes for yourself. Schedule the lactation appointment if feeding hurts or something doesn’t feel right, and call your provider if you have concerns about your physical recovery. You don’t have to wait until you’re completely overwhelmed or something feels unbearable before asking for help.
You deserve time to rest, heal, and recover. Asking for help doesn’t make you any less of a mother, it means you’re making sure you’re cared for as well.
Nourish yourself, hydrate, and choose movement based on your recovery and your healthcare provider's guidance. Your body does not need to “bounce back.” It needs time to heal. You birthed a baby, but you also birthed a new version of you.
Your emotional health deserves just as much attention as your physical recovery. Hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, feeding challenges, birth experiences, and the enormous transition into caring for a new baby can bring a lot of emotions. If you're struggling, feeling persistently down or anxious, or simply feel like something isn't right, reach out to your healthcare provider or someone you trust.
Postpartum isn't something you have to rush through. It is a phase worthy of being honored, too.
HONOR THE PHASE YOU'RE IN
There is always going to be another milestone ahead. The positive pregnancy test. The first ultrasound. The anatomy scan. The third trimester. Birth. The first latch. The first smile. The first full night of sleep. The first word. That first step.
But you don't have to rush toward the next one. There is something worth honoring in every phase. Even the messy ones, the exhausting ones, and the ones that look nothing like you imagined they would!
Take the picture. Ask for help. Rest when you need to. Celebrate the tiny wins. Grieve the things that didn't go the way you hoped. And give yourself permission to be proud of everything you've already done.
Through preconception, pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, you are changing right alongside your baby. And that journey deserves to be honored, too.
